BDSM Glossary & Terms

24/7: A relationship where protocols and control are permanently in place and enforced by a dominant without an option out for a submissive. This includes general life decisions as well as sexual decisions.

24/7 Lifestyle commitment: When the power exchange of a D/s relationship extends beyond scenes and is a 24/7 lifestyle choice. Partners live the dynamic full-time.

Abrasion: Using something rough like sandpaper to cause a sensation on the skin or internally.

Adult Baby/Diaper Lover (ABDL): Playing an infant or an adult baby to receive sexual pleasure. It is a form of ageplay, called paraphilic infantilism. The submissive part is to be infantile, wearing diapers. The “caregiver” is the dominant part in changing diapers and giving care and protection.

Aftercare: Important part of BDSM sessions and BDSM play. It is in place to give the submissive part-time to calm down, feel safe and loved, and slowly get back to “reality” after intense plays. Aftercare can be physical (e.g., blankets, water, food) or emotional (e.g., care, kisses, touches, hugs).

Age Play: Role play in which one person assumes the role of a significantly younger person, often to fulfill a parental/managerial dynamic.

Anal: Anal sex or anal intercourse usually involves the insertion or thrusting of a penis or object into a persons anus or rectum.

Auctioned off/Slave auctions: Slave auctions are where the submissive/slave gets to be sold temporarily or permanently to someone else. It can also be a form of extreme ownership, where the dominant is not chosen. Still, the slave only is seen as a good to be traded, and the slave needs to accept every owner.

BARK (Boundaries, Agreement, Respect, Knowledge): This framework underlines the importance of establishing boundaries, mutual agreements, respect for each partner’s limits, and knowledge about safe practices in BDSM.

BDSM: It is a short form of 3 combinations of dynamics within a sexual relationship –  Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. BDSM is also used as a synonym for kinks, fetishes, and related topics in the scene.

BDSM Roles: In BDSM there are a lot of different roles and dynamics. It is important to understand the differences and also which roles fit. Please also see “BDSM Tests” on how to best determine your and your partners’ roles.

BDSM Tests: There are several tests on the internet that help to find your personal kinks and fetishes. These test should be always made for both partners to see the nuances and where these partner are compatible and what they need. The results may vary with time and experience so they should be taken regularly and compared over time.

Bimbofication: The act of turning someone into a sterotypical role of “The Bimbo” that acts as a sex object and object of desire. 

Blood Play: Activities that intentionally induce bleeding, such as the use of needles, knives, or other cutting tools to draw blood. This is done with consent and safety precautions to minimize risk. Often, it is more about the psychological thrill and aesthetic appeal than the physical pain. Partners should get tested regularly for bloodborne diseases. Proper aftercare is important to avoid infections.

Blindfolds: Block vision. Used for sensory deprivation.

Bondage: Everything and every play that involves acts of restraining a submissive (called “rope bunny“) physically. It can affect full restraining of a body (e.g., Shibari) or partial Bondage like breast bondage, hand-cuffs, or ankle cuffs.

Bottom: Describes the role of the receiving part in BDSM. The bottom (Submissive) receives attention and physical sensation from the Top (Dominant).

Brat: Submissive that is “acting out” and behaving badly. Brats usually want to challenge the dominant by disobeying orders, calling the dominant names, trying to tease or even challenge the dominant. Both sides need to agree on these things otherwise it can be toxic in a D/S relationship.

Brat tamer: The “Brat Tamer” is the dominant part which is responsible for disciplining the brat. Setting rules and enforcing them are the main roles of a brat tamer. This can involve punishments, training, and enforcement of rituals and protocols.

Brat taming: When a dominant educates or disciplines a “bad” subordinate to behave better. This may involve punishments, rewards, structure, and clear expectations to suppress petulant tendencies.

Breast bondage: Breast bondage is the sensation of either flattening the breasts with Bondage (tying tight to the body) or bulging them with ropes tied around tight.

Breast torture: Every play that involves inflicting pain on breasts. It can be pinching nipples, slapping on the breasts, breast bondage, or more extreme forms with nettles, needles, whips, and other toys.

Breath control play: Breath control involves different plays involving the submissive’s oxygen restriction. It heightens sexual arousal and leads to orgasms/more intense orgasms. The airflow restriction can be achieved with strangulation, suffocation, and smothering.

Breeding: The breeding kink is a sexual fetish that involves the eroticization of reproductive processes, such as impregnation and conception. Participants in this kink often indulge in fantasies that play on the idea of breeding or being bred, which can incorporate aspects of dominance, submission, and the natural instincts associated with mating.

Butt plug: Especially designed toy that is to be inserted in the anus. It comes in different sizes and can be for anal training purposes, roleplay (e.g., with a tail for pet play), or pleasure.

Canes: Thin, flexible sticks used for impact play and hitting the body.

Caretaker/Little dynamic: A nurturing, parenting dynamic in which the Caretaker guides, cares for, and protects the “Little.” May also include age play.

CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution): A BDSM safety standard that stresses the need for caring about a partner’s boundaries, clear communication, informed consent, and exercising caution.

Chastity: Chastity is about sexual denial and denial from orgasms as usually a device (chastity belt) is used to prevent the wearer from accessing their genitals or experiencing sexual pleasure without the dominant (called key holder) allowing it. Chastity devices typically have a lock that locks them in place and thus the name “keyholder” for the dominant part.

Cock and ball torture (CBT): CBT describes different plays involving the tor of the penis and testicles.

Collared: A submissive pet or slave who is owned usually gets a collar that shows her the ownership and who they belong to. A dominant may have multiple persons collared. Important information about pet play: Collard differentiates a “pet” from a “stray.”

Collaring: An official and formal acceptance of a sub’s service to a dominant. It also means that a dominant will commit to a sub that can sometimes accompany a celebration, contract, or festivity.

Contrapolar stimulation: Types of physical stimulation where both feelings of pain and pleasure are incorporated. “It hurts so good!”

CNC – Consensual non-consent: Play where the parties agree to roleplay non-consensual activities, such as kidnapping or rape.

Consent: Mutual agreement to terms of action as in a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.

D/S – Dominance/Submission: One of the core principles in BDSM is also the exchange of power. This involves the power exchange between the dominant and the submissive – so the power to decide over sexuality (e.g., EPE) and sometimes the complete life of the submission (e.g., TPE, 24/7).

DDLG – Daddy Dom/Little Girl – Daddy/Little is a form of roleplay and power exchange (D/S). The goal of this relationship is to nurture the child (submissive) with a caring role of a Daddy (Dominant). The roles of parents play a big role while still sexual attraction and sexual interaction are part of the play.

Diet/Sport Control: Dominant controls food intake and training program of sub. Enforces strict rules.

Dom – Dominant – Domme(Female): The person in charge and exercising control over a submissive. The Dom can have different roles depending on the play, e.g., Master, Daddy/Mommy, Owner, etc.

Dungeon: This usually refers to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.

Edgeplay: Edgeplay involves different kinds of SM play that involve a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. Due to these characteristics, there is no universal definition or list available. It always comes down to the person/submissive and their individual perception of risk/harm. Special forms are bloodplay, knife play, and gunplay.

Electroplay: The skin is shocked with electrical devices of varying intensity. Creates a painful or pleasant sensation.

Enema play (Klismaphilia): Enemas can be a gratifying and sensual sexual experience for men and women. It involves the injection of fluids into the lower bowel. Enemas can also be used in SM activities for humiliation, control (now allowing to release), or for causing physical discomfort for the receiving partner.

Erotic humiliation: Verbal or physical humiliation of the submissive during a sexual act. Examples include insulting, exposing genitals in public, public urination, defecating in front of someone, or other humiliating actions depending on the partner. Erotic humiliation play can only be safely done with rules, boundaries, and safe words. It can have serious mental consequences and impact the D/S relationship or partnership.

Erotic sexual denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (See also tease and denial and chastity.)

Erotic spanking: Spanking can be an act of sexual arousal and gratification for both sides. If it has a sexual appeal for one or more persons in the play, it is called “Erotic spanking.”

Experimentalist: Someone who tries new and or different experiences in a sexual way or BDSM practices. 

Figging: Insert a peeled ginger root into the vagina, anus, or occasionally the urethra canal for a burning sensation and sexual arousal.

Financial domination (FinDom & Money Slavery): Financial domination is a D/S power exchange where the submissive (finsub, finslave, money slave, human TAM, cash piggy, or paypig) has sexual arousal when the dominant abuses him financially and spends money on gifts and other expenses.

Fisting: Sexual act of inserting a hand into the vagina or anus. Selffisting is another form where the person inserts their hand into her vagina or anus.

Fisting (anal) / Analfisting: Insertion of the whole hand into the anus. Stretches and fills the anus.

Forced masturbation: When a sub has to masturbate on the orders of the dom/s. Domination and humiliation.

GGG (Good, Giving, and Game): Coined by Dan Savage, it suggests that a good sexual partner should strive to be good in bed, giving “equal time and pleasure” to their partner, and game for anything (within reason).

Golden showers: Sexual play with urine. Usually, the dominant part is urinating on the submissive for the arousal of one or both partners. This also involves a strong position as the submissive is the receiving one, and potentially, humiliation elements are involved.

Gorean: A special kind of master/slave relationship based on a subgenre of BDSM with rituals and practices created in the fictional world of Gor in the Novels by John Norman.

Gunplay: Use actual (or replica) guns for threatening, frightening, and creating fear in roleplays.

Hair pulling: Forcible pulling of hair that causes pain and dominates the submissive person.

Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do; non-negotiable (as opposed to “soft limits”).

Hogtie: Restraining a submissive in a special position where wrists and ankles are fastened together with ropes or cuffs behind the back.

How to find a daddy dom? – Finding a good daddy dom is difficult. The partner usually looks for an experienced care giver that can nurture, educate and also give protection to the little, middle or girl.

How to find a dom? – For many beginners it is hard to find the right dom for their side. It is important to start with a more experienced dom in order to have a safe space for trying and growing.

Impact play: The part of SM, also called “sensation play.” Impact play involved everything from whips, paddles, spanking, paddles, crops, etc.

Kinbaku / Shibari: Japanese style of Bondage that ties up the submissive in visually intricate patterns and positions. Kinbaku-bi is a form and means “beauty of tight binding.”

Kinky sex: Kinky refers to non-conventional sex and every act involving more than just vaginal penetration. This can be different from person to person but is generally referred also in the BDSM context.

Knife play: Sensation of feeling the knife, pointings with a knife, or even slight cuts with a knife. The fear of pain, the knife, and potential harm can be a strong stimulus for the bottom.

Leather straps: Wide leather devices used for striking games such as flogging or strapping.

Limits: There are soft limits and hard limits. Generally, soft limits are the limits someone doesn’t want to do often/repetitive/in-depth. Hard limits are definitive limits on what someone refuses to do.

Maledom: A Dominant man is usually referred as maledom in contrary to a Domme which is usually a female dominant.

Masochism: Receiving pleasure and sexual arousal from pain and humiliation. A masochist can either be physically masochistic, mentally/psychologically masochistic, or both.

Master/slave: A relationship based on the consent that one individual is given the control (The Master) over another person who gives up the control (The Slave). It should be a mutually beneficial relationship focusing on servitude and obedience. The slaves usually get collared, branded, or marked by the Master as a sign of ownership.

Masturbation: Touching oneself sexually to arouse and satisfy oneself. When instructed by a Dom, it is then “Forced Masturbation”.

MDLB – Mommy Domme/Little Boy: MDLB is the female-led version of DDLG.

Mummification: Immobilizing by wrapping body tightly in materials like saran wrap. Restricts movement. Fully wrapping a body in plaster, latex, cling foil, or ropes to immobilize the body is generally called mummification.

Munch: Public meetups in “vanilla spaces and street-attire for people with kinks.

Needle play: Piercing and puncturing with sterile needles to create temporary piercings. Needle play is only invasive during the play and removed afterward.

Nose torture: Often referred to as the use of nose hooks for inflicting pain, displaying a nose, or even humiliation.

Objectification: Treating a person as an object and denying their humanity. Used to humiliate and dominate.

Owner/Pet Dynamics: The owner takes on a parenting/guiding role for the pet acting like an animal. It can be about collars, pet names, commands, pet games, etc.

Pain slut: A bottom who enjoys a heavy load of pain during play from the Top. Extreme masochistic persons.

Pegging: Sexual practice where a woman uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate the man’s anus.

Pissplay: Receiving pleasure from playing with urine. This can involve golden showers, tasting, swallowing, injection (e.g., enema), or the simple act of pissing.

Play party: Special type of BDSM event where the participants engage with each other. It can have special layouts with areas for socializing and others for “playing” and sexual activities.

Ponyboy or Ponygirl: Description of a person dressed in a pony outfit. These could be special costumes, mouth bits and anal plug with a tail, restrictive clothing, and latex.

PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink): A safety model highlighting the importance of personal responsibility and informed consent in BDSM, emphasizing self-awareness in risk-taking.

ProDom: Professional male dominant in exchange for money.

ProDomme: Professional female dominant in exchange for money.

Pup-play: Subs playing and acting like puppies and dogs.

Pussy torture: Sexual arousal and gratification from torturing vulva, labia, or vagina with toys, tunnel play, needles, or other forms to inflict pain.

RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink: Rack is a philosophical view generally permissive of certain risky sexual behaviors, as long as the participants are fully aware of the risks.

Rhaphanidosis: Similar to figging, it is the insertion of a piece of radish into the anus for sexual arousal.

Rimming: Oral stimulation of the anus.

Role Play: In BDSM the partners can engage in different roles for different scenes. E.i. Roleplay could be Teacher/Pupil, Parent/Child.

Rope body harness: Elaborate rope cuffs that wrap the body to restrict movement and for aesthetics.

Rope bondage: Tying up the submissive (rope bunny) with ropes to limit the ability to move.

Sadism: Receiving sexual pleasure from inflicting pain and seeing other being in pain. The Sadist sometimes only feels satisfaction from this when it is with consent.

SSC – Safe, sane, and consensual: One of the basic principles for BDSM play involves the focus on BDSM play that is only based on safe activities and where all participants have consent with each other. Sometimes it is in contrast with RACK, where parties agree on risk.

Safeword: Special words (or words) that help the communication during BDSM play. Those words will lower the intensity or even stop the play when spoken and are set before play by the partners.

SEAF (Safe, Ethical, and Fun): A principle in BDSM that highlights the importance of safety, ethical behavior, and ensuring that activities are enjoyable for all parties involved.

Scat play: Sexual arousal from playing, tasting, swallowing, or smearing with feces. Feces play can also result in using a “human toilet.”

Sensation play: Physical sensations controlled and played with by the partner. Sensation play can also be in mental forms when fantasies are triggered or physical forms when inflicting pain or involving Bondage.

Service submission: Performing services and servicing another person for sexual arousal and satisfaction. Servant, maid, or service slave.

Sex machines: Mechanical device for penetration or other aparate for the stimulation or satisfaction of a person. Often a moving dildo or automatic penetration device.

Sex Slave: A sex slave within the BDSM context is an individual who consensually gives over control to a dominant partner in all aspects of life, often in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange dynamic, for mutual gratification and fulfillment of deep-rooted desires related to dominance and submission. This article helps you to be a good slave.

Slapping: Hitting parts of the body with the open hand. Used for pain and humiliation. Face slaps are usually the most well known slaps but slapping is not limited only to a face or ass.

Slave / Master: A person who consensually gave up control on one or more aspects of their life to a Master. Slaves can have different interactions and are usually part of TPE and 24/7 relationships.

Soft limits: When someone is hesitant and doesn’t want to repeat certain things. Contrary to the hard limits, those limits can be overstepped a little.

Subdrop: Special condition experienced by a submissive after intense sessions in BDSM. Sometimes it comes with cold- or flu-like symptoms. The best way to avoid it is to have good aftercare and a well-planned session.

Submissive – Sub: A person giving control to her Dominant for a limited time or all the time. There is a difference between a Sub, Slave, and Bottom. Here some articles that help you: Are you submissive? or become a Good Submissive

Subspace: Special feeling of a “natural high” that a sub (or bottom) experiences during plays, pain, and being in control. Typical feelings involve a disconnect from time, space, and/or body and may have limited communication ability. An experienced com should be aware of the consequences and take care of the sub’s well-being if they are in the subspace. Sometimes referred to in long-term D/S relationships, the sub feels very connected to the Dom.

Suspension: Ties up the body of the submissive by lifting it off the ground with ropes, chains, etc. Makes them immobile.

Switch: A person likes to be dominant and submissive or both Top and bottom. Some people might be submissive for one gender and dominant for another.

Switching roles: Partners swap the dominant and submissive roles, going both bottom-up and top-down.

Taken in hand: A full 24/7 male dominance in a monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM elements.

Tease and denial: Type of sexual play that involves controlling desire and preventing orgasms or feelings. It is important to delay the satisfaction, create sexual tension and keep the other in a state of anticipation and heightened sensitivity.

Tit torture: Sexual arousal from the pain in the breasts or nipples. This pain and torture can be with clamps, spanking, needles, or other forms of SM.

TNG – The Next Generation: The term is generally used to tag groups and BDSM organizations for the younger BDSM generation, typically 18–35 years old.

Toilet slave: Person must consume urine / feces. Used for humiliation and domination. Can also be a sign of appreciation for the master and everything that comes from him.

Top: Top is the person controlling the action and is contrary to the “Bottom.” When a Dominant tells a submissive to prepare a play, the Submissive is the Top (Acting on behalf of the Dom).

Topping from the bottom: A submissive who is consciously/subconsciously directing the Top despite being in a different role.

Temporary Role Dynamics: Short-term power exchange scene/role play without a full life commitment. Partners temporarily assume a role.

TPE – Total Power Exchange: When a dominant Master or owner has complete authority and influence on the submissive’s life and makes the majority of decisions. It can also be referenced sometimes as 24/7.

Training: A dominant’s short-term or ongoing effort to teach a submissive how to behave and form the submissive according to the dominant’s wishes.

Triple penetration: Simultaneous penetration of mouth, vagina and anus.

Tunnel Play: Set of different games and activities that, once set in motion, can not be stopped and need to be endured till the natural end. Examples include figging (Ginger root or juice) or other substances like tiger balm, nettles or chilies. 

Vanilla: A term describing acts or persons with no relation to BDSM. The term can also be used derogatory to describe sexually boring people or boring sex acts.

Warm-up: Beginning of a BDSM play/scene with gentle elements, allowing both to enter into the game or allowing the sub to enter subspace. Warm-up also helps prepare the body for more intense plays, e.g., secretion of liquids.

Wax play: Using hot wax on the bottom for sexual arousal with pain and aesthetics.

WIITWD – What It Is That We Do: A very broad and little undefined term referencing all forms of alternative sexuality and plays.