Collaring in BDSM: Protocols, Ceremonies, and Significance

Few rituals have such a deep symbolic meaning as the wearing of collars by a sub, slave or owned object. At its core, the collar transcends mere aesthetics or fashion. Instead, it is a powerful testament to commitment, trust and the intricate dance of dominance and submission. For many, a collar is not just an […]

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Just as a wedding ceremony varies from culture to culture and person to person, so too does the act and meaning of the choker. From whispered vows by candlelight to grand ceremonies involving an entire community, the way people embrace collaring is as diverse as the BDSM community itself.

In this exploration, we will delve into the layers of meaning, tradition and emotion that surround the act of collaring. We will trace its roots, understand its meaning, and uncover the rituals and protocols that accompany this revered practice. Whether you are an experienced practitioner or a curious onlooker, join us on a journey into the heart of one of the most treasured BDSM traditions.

The history of the collar as symbol

The concept of wearing a collar or neck ornament goes back thousands of years. In all cultures and civilizations, the necklace has had various meanings – from denoting status, to displaying wealth, to marking membership in a particular group or class. In BDSM, the necklace was adapted, repurposed, and revered, evolving into a symbol of the deep and intimate connection between dominance and submission.

The early days

Although it is difficult to pinpoint the exact origin of the collar in the BDSM community, many believe it was inspired by ancient practices. For example:

Chokers & Necklaces: Historically, necklaces such as chokers were worn by the elite as a status symbol. Adapting them for BDSM purposes added a layer of power dynamic to the aesthetic.
Slavery and ownership: historically, collars were also an unfortunate and painful symbol of slavery and ownership. It is important to approach this with sensitivity and awareness, recognizing the profound differences between consensual BDSM practices and the horrors of real slavery.

Evolution

Over the decades, as the BDSM community grew and became more organized, the collar took on a deeper, more nuanced meaning. The collar was no longer just a symbol of the D/s dynamic, but also represented the various stages of relationships, commitments, and personal journeys.

70s and 80s Leather Community: The leather subculture, particularly among gay men, played a critical role in shaping modern BDSM practices, including the collar. Collars were often signs of mentorship, protection, or affiliation in this community.
The rise of modern BDSM: With the advent of the internet and the subsequent growth of the BDSM community, the practices and meanings of collars have also changed. Today, a collar can mean anything from a passing scene to a lifelong commitment.

A personal matter

Throughout its history, the act of wearing a collar has remained a deeply personal affair and a symbol of power over someone. Though influenced by community norms and traditions, the very essence of the collar is the individual meaning it holds for those involved – especially when you see how many subs are holding on to the collar as it would be the anchor in their life, you will understand how strong the symbol can be. From simple leather bands to ornate custom pieces, the collar is as varied and unique as the relationships it represents.

What is BDSM Collaring?

A collar in BDSM is a symbolic act that represents a deep connection, commitment, or relationship between a dominant and a submissive. While the visual representation may be a physical collar, the essence of the act goes beyond the tangible.

It’s a symbol of commitment: At its core, a BDSM collar is comparable to an engagement ring or wedding band in the “normal” world. It represents a deep bond and mutual understanding between two individuals and often indicates a long-term commitment.
Not just for show: While some wear a necklace just as a fashion statement or accessory for a scene, in many D/s relationships the necklace has a deeper, more profound meaning. It is a visual and tactile reminder of the dynamics and roles within the relationship.
Different people, different customs: The beauty of the BDSM community is in its diversity. The application of collars varies greatly from relationship to relationship. For some it is the beginning of a formal D/s relationship, while for others it can be a symbol of ownership or protection.
The Power Dynamic: One of the most important aspects of the BDSM collar is the power dynamic it represents. Usually, the dominant offers the collar and the submissive accepts it, symbolizing his submission and trust in the dominant’s care. However, this does not mean that the submissive is powerless. Rather, it is a mutual agreement in which both parties acknowledge and respect each other’s roles and boundaries.
Beyond the physical: Although a collar is the most recognizable symbol of this commitment, the act of collar goes beyond the physical object. It involves the conversations, negotiations, and mutual agreements that form the basis of a D/s relationship. It is about the promises that are made, the boundaries that are set, and the trust that is built.

Collaring explained: the psychological aspects

Beyond the tangible collars and the ceremonies, there is a profound psychological component to collaring. For many, this is the essence of the BDSM dynamic, and understanding this dimension can shed light on why the collar has such significance.

Symbol of possession and belonging:
- For the dominant: The act of wearing the collar can be seen as staking a claim and shows a sense of responsibility, protection, and care for the submissive.
- For the submissive: Wearing the collar can provide a sense of belonging, security, and validation of one’s role.
Bonding and trust: Much like a wedding ring in traditional relationships, a collar in the BDSM world signifies a deep commitment. It is a promise to uphold the principles of the relationship.
Trust is the name of the game. For the submissive, accepting a collar means that she trusts the dominant to respect, protect, and care for her. For the dominant, it symbolizes trust in the submissive to comply and be loyal.
Constant reminder of the dynamic: Wearing a collar, especially a daily collar, serves as a regular reminder of the D/s dynamic. It can be grounding, reassuring, and a point of pride for both parties.
Emotional safety and security: A collar can serve as a security blanket for the submissive, symbolizing the protective embrace of the dominant.
For the dominant, it is a reminder of his role and responsibility for the welfare of his submissive.
Deepened intimacy: BDSM activities require vulnerability, both physical and emotional. The collar can enhance this intimacy and create a space where both parties feel seen, valued, and understood.
Empowerment: Contrary to misconceptions, a collar does not mean submission or oppression. For many submissives, it is a symbol of empowerment that emphasizes their autonomy in choosing to submit. On the contrary it can also manifest a role e.g. in Bimbofication where the role as sex object can be manifested.

Types of Collars and Their Meanings

In the world of BDSM, not all collars are created equal. Just as a relationship evolves and deepens over time, the types of collars used can signify different stages, intentions, and commitments within a D/s dynamic. Here’s a breakdown of some of the most common collar types and the symbolism they carry:

Consideration Collar

Meaning: Often the first step in a formal D/s relationship, this collar signifies a period of getting to know each other. It’s akin to dating in the vanilla world.
Duration: Temporary, often worn during the initial stages of exploring a potential relationship.

Training Collar

Meaning: Represents a stage where the submissive is being mentored or trained by the Dominant. It indicates a deeper commitment than the consideration collar.
Duration: Temporary to semi-permanent, depending on the agreed length of the training period.

Protection Collar

Meaning: Symbolizes that the submissive is under the protection of a particular Dominant. It’s not necessarily indicative of a personal relationship but rather a sign that the Dominant looks out for the submissive’s well-being, especially in public spaces or events.
Duration: Varies, based on the protection agreement.

Formal or Ownership Collar

Meaning: This is the BDSM equivalent of a wedding ring. It denotes a deep, often lifelong commitment between the Dominant and the submissive. It signifies mutual trust, respect, and a solidified D/s dynamic.
Duration: Permanent or long-term.

Day Collar

Meaning: A discreet collar that can be worn in public without drawing attention. It serves as a constant reminder of the D/s dynamic without being overt. Especially in TPE and 24/7 dynamics these collars are used to remind the sub of her owner and master.
Materials: Often made of regular jewelry materials like silver, gold, or adorned with gemstones. Can be also made of steel or leather.
Duaration: Often permanent or long-term. Sometimes permanently locked and only possible to remove it when it is destroyed.

Play Collar

Meaning: Used exclusively for scenes or play sessions. It might not carry the deep symbolic weight of other collars but is essential for setting the mood or tone of a session.
Duration: Temporary, worn only during a scene.

Typical Collaring Jewelry

When it comes to the tangible representation of collaring – “The actuaal collar”, the choices are as vast as the imaginations and preferences of those involved. From simple leather bands to intricate metalwork, here’s a list of common collaring jewelry:

Leather Bands: Classic, versatile, and often adjustable.
Metal Locking Collars: Symbolizes permanence and is often used for formal or ownership collars.
Chokers: Fashionable and can be worn discreetly in public as day collars.
Chain Collars: Durable and often accompanied by a lock.
Ribbon Collars: Delicate, often used for special occasions or ceremonies or also for DDLG play.
Torques: Rigid neck rings, often made of metal.
Pendant Necklaces: Subtle and can double as day collars.
Barbed Wire Design: Symbolic of the edgier side of BDSM.
O-Ring Collars: Features an O-ring that can be used for leashes or other attachments.
Beaded or Gemstone Collars: Decorative, adding a touch of elegance.
Custom Designs: Often also there is a special design or customization involved incl. personal touches.

Regardless of the design or material, the real value of the collar lies in its meaning and the mutual understanding between the Dominant and submissive. It’s the intention behind the collar, rather than its aesthetic appeal, that truly matters.

Important – its not only about collars: There are also “non collars” which can be used in collarings. As some jobs and some types of jewleries can cause potential problems also anklets, rings or other symbols like piercings or tattoos can be used as part of a collaring ceremony. The basic idea behind it is the same but the symbol is just different.

The Protocol of Collaring and Being Collared

For many, putting on a collar goes beyond simply putting on a piece of jewelry. It is a deeply symbolic gesture, often accompanied by rituals and ceremonies that strengthen the bond and commitment between the dominant and the submissive. These practices give special meaning to the occasion, making it memorable and meaningful.

The Collaring Ceremony

Setting: The ceremony’s location can vary based on the couple’s preferences. It can be an intimate setting at home, a dedicated BDSM space, or even a public event with friends and fellow community members as witnesses.
Ritual Acts: These can include:
- Reading out a set of commitments or vows.
- Signing a contract or an agreement.
- The Dominant placing the collar around the submissive’s neck.
- Actions symbolizing the D/s dynamic, such as kneeling or binding.
- Sharing tokens or gifts that have personal significance.
Witnesses: Some couples choose to have close friends or community members present, similar to a wedding ceremony, to bear witness to their commitment.
Duration: The ceremony can be brief or extensive, depending on the couple’s desires and the significance of the collar being offered. I have also been at a collaring which was a weekend at a BDSM club. It is up to you how you want to celebrate and enjoy your collaring.

Significance of the Ceremony

The collaring ceremony is akin to a rite of passage in the BDSM community. For many submissives and domes the collaring marks the transition from one stage of a relationship to another. The act of publicly (or privately) declaring intentions, setting boundaries, and affirming commitments solidifies the bond between the Dominant and submissive. So it can be a very strong symbol of a deeper connection and also help to give both partners more security.

Post-Collaring Etiquette

Respect the Collar: Recognizing the importance of the collar and what it represents. Not removing it without the Dominant’s permission or understanding when it’s appropriate to wear it.
Maintaining the Dynamic: Continuously nurturing the relationship, understanding D/S or BDSM roles, and staying committed to the boundaries and agreements set during the collaring.
Open Communication: The act of collaring doesn’t mean the end of dialogue. Regular check-ins, discussing feelings, and ensuring both parties are still in alignment with the relationship’s dynamics are vital.

Collaring Rituals: Traditions and Modern Takes

When you delve into the world of BDSM, you discover a web of traditions interwoven with modern practices. At the collar, various rituals have been established over time, and new ones continue to be added as the community evolves. Let’s take a closer look at some of these rituals, both time-honored and modern:

Rehearsal or “Consideration Collar.” – Before a formal engagement, some couples opt for a trial period symbolized by a “consideration collar.” This time allows both parties to explore their dynamic and make sure they are a good fit for each other. It is similar to an engagement in a traditional romantic context – a precursor to a deeper commitment.
Protective Collar: In some BDSM communities, a submissive may wear a protective collar indicating that he or she is under the care of, but not formally bound by, a particular dominant. This can be helpful in public BDSM spaces to signal that the submissive is not amenable to play without the consent of the protective dominant.
Anniversary of the Collar: Similar to a wedding, many couples celebrate the anniversary of their collar. This can mean repeating their vows, exchanging new signs, or simply spending time together reflecting on their journey.
Collar Upgrades: Over time, as the relationship evolves, some Dominants choose to give their sub a higher quality collar. This can be a sign of a deeper bond, milestones reached, or simply a desire to give something new.
Temporary Scene Collar: Not all collars signify a long-term commitment. Some are used only for scenes or play sessions. These collars can be more elaborately designed to fit the theme of the session.
Digital or virtual collars: In today’s digital age, where many D/s relationships begin or already exist online, virtual collars have become a staple. This can be in the form of digital art, an online badge, or other symbols used on social media platforms or in online communities.
Removing and storing the collar: There may be times when the submissive needs to remove the collar (e.g., for work). Some couples have rituals for these moments, such as placing the collar on a special stand or in a special box. The dominant’s act of putting a collar back on the submissive after such times can be equally significant.

Conclusion: Embracing the the Collar

The act of putting on a collar is not just a physical act of placing a collar around someone’s neck, but it is a deeply meaningful and personal journey and can be freeing for many. From choosing the right collar to understanding the psychological implications to the rituals that accompany the practice, the collar is a multi-layered experience and you can make it fun and exciting.

Dont forget: It is a journey of mutual respect, trust and commitment. Whether it is a formal ceremony or a private moment between Dominant and submissive, the act of the collar symbolizes a unique connection and shared understanding of roles within the relationship. It is about setting boundaries, reaffirming commitments and creating a sense of belonging.

The different types of collars, from daily collars to play collars to formal collars, each tell a different story and serve a specific purpose. The rituals, whether traditional or modern, add layers of meaning and help strengthen the bond. Understanding the psychological aspects of the collar can lead to a deeper, more meaningful bond.

Those embarking on this journey should keep in mind that putting on a collar is a personal experience. It is a road paved with communication, agreement and a mutual desire to deepen the relationship. It is a commitment, a promise, and a symbol of dedication. So engage in the journey, respect the rituals, and appreciate the bond that the collar represents. Ultimately, it’s about finding what feels right for you and your partner, and celebrating the unique dynamic you share.

Remember that collaring, like any aspect of BDSM, is about exploration, understanding, and respect. So take the time to learn, communicate openly, and most importantly, enjoy the journey together. And if you want to submit to an experienced Dom and become collared, then I am happy to receive your application.